i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
