I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i love accidental penises.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
