Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
