My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
