The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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