Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You took a bar mat shot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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