WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
