Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
