yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
