new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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