Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
