textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
