K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
