So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
