i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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