Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
