am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
