i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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