i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
