I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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