Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
