Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's always time for handjobs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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