i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
