in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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