Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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