He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
