Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
