also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
