Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
