So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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