Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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