i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
