Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
