What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
