He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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