Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I love you.
Bad choice
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