dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Even my vagina gasped.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
