you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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