About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
