And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
