honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
