I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Randomize