All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dont even know how to be here
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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