mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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