Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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