i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
