we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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