my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
