Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
