Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
