This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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