The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
