my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
what the fuck happened to the tacos
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
