I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
