tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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