Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So many bounce houses so little time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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