I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
