i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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