He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
