i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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