Can Purell be used as lube?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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