I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just found a bag of teeth...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
