He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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