I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
